Over the last few weeks I have been having a deep. contemplative look at my life. I have been reassessing everything. Surprisingly, it didn’t take me too long to arrive at most of the conclusions. Perhaps because the lessons had already been planted there. It just needed a shock to the system to force them to be implemented. Sadly, I might have lost something incredible in the process, but I will live the rest of my life making it worthwhile.
And so far it has been amazing. I always thought that climbing had taught me how to live in the now. It had, in small part. It taught me to focus on what I was doing, it brought me so much happiness. But something just wasn’t translating to the rest of my life. Those moments in the Now were fleeting and only when I needed them the most, through the crux. For the rest of my life I was never really present. I was restless. I was always living for the next thing, even when I was doing things I really wanted to be doing. This has robbed me of experiencing my life. I was living the “when this happens then I will be happy” equation.
Happiness is fleeting. And we keep moving the goal posts. So we never arrive, we never attain that happiness. True joy is living this moment right now, no matter what is happening in it. I am finally experiencing my life. What have I been doing all these years up to now? I have been living my life as if I was watching it as a movie, detached and uninvolved. Everything was one big distraction from everything else. I wouldn’t invest in anything or anyone who wasn’t connected to my future. But now, there is so much joy, so much value in investing in every moment with every person I meet, it doesn’t matter if I never see them again. I find myself thrilled to add to someone’s day in any way I can, instead of feeling like it is too much energy somehow. It probably sounds like I was cold and uncaring before. I don’t believe I was, but I was certainly limited. I had a happy life before but there was unfulfilment and restlessness. Now there is joy, now there is direction. Now my eyes are wide open.
I could rant about this till the cows come home, And maybe I am slow on the uptake and so many of you have known this concept all along. I understood it as one would understand a maths formula, But only now is it internalised. Perhaps most of you were lucky to be taught this from a young age. It has been a long and twisted path for me, But at least I have arrived. At least I can live the rest of my life.